From the Back

(this is written tongue-in-cheek....maybe...but the basic story is true)


As I rode it,

I did Tuesday Night Worlds two weeks ago and the group pulled out right at 5:45 pm which is weird since we're usually 5-10 minutes late leaving from ANY parking lot. We left a lot of riders still putting on their helmets or prepping to go (partly because it is a long drive for most of us and we're subject to the whims of traffic along the way).

I had heard before that the ride to Benton from the start was actually civil and treated more as a warmup. That was okay with me...I need a warmup before I have to put a Jon Whitten on everyone's heads and crush some souls/egos. You know I'm not that mean but Russ always gives me a wholesale dose of deserved respect because he is a wise man.

Well, it was almost race-pace from the start (reminded me of ERBC) and I'm trying to get my wrinkly old Joe-French-slash-Frankie-G legs into the groove but not having much success. I got dropped by mile seven at 28 mph (that was me, not the group...they was faster....much....faster). Eventually latching onto a couple of soul-deflated folks we got in a fairly good and speedy ride. Eventually I would 2-man TT it with Jason Sanders on his hopped-up-totally-tricked-out tri-bike (and me on my basic K2 brood) for the last 10 miles cruisin' at 25 mph most of the time. I let him set the pace 'cause I'm kind-hearted and wanted him to get a good workout. He didn't deserve a Whitten-style whippin'. He is only a man.

With two miles to go, I started feeling a deflation on my rear wheel, the tire specifically, and had to let Jason go. I noodled those last two miles at around 15-16 mph on that slow leak, finally making it back to the parking lot with a snail's breath of air to spare.

Even with that, my average speed for the night was 22.2 mph. Yeah, buddy, I was going plenty speedy even with the drop and the un-airing of my rubber parts.

Don't know if I'll be out there much the rest of the year. Next week I begin training to do my first marathon in October. I'm going to ride 2-3 times a week as cross-training but I'll be a runner for most of 2010. But Jonnene and I are going down to New Orleans this weekend to take the beginner's USAC officials' clinic (Lisa and her husband will be there, too) so we can do some o-fficiating for LAMBRA this year and help poor old Ricky out. So you ain't rid of us yet. Follow the rules of racing and we'll look the other way. Might even produce results in a timely manner. Yeah, right. Gawd, I'm a comedian.

Be forewarned, I'm coming back STRONG on the inline 2-wheeler in 2011. Be ready for the "Alan beatdowns" that'll be commencing next winter. Like Cesar Milan says, I'll be calm and assertive. Everyone else will be calm and submissive. I am a kind man, don't forget.

Another Greg-o-logue

Daily Gut: Hating Arizona

by Greg Gutfeld

So Obama deemed the new Arizona immigration bill “misguided.”

Translation: he means “stupid.”

See, “misguided” is a word used by people who know better than you. Calling something “misguided” is an intellectual exercise in superiority–even if they don’t call you stupid, they really, really want to.

Too bad Obama has no other plan that’s less stupid. And the Arizona bill is what happens when there is no plan: a plan gets made.

It reminds me of something a really smart guy said on Hannity last week.

Roll Sot:

“Until you make it easier for them to get in legally you have to make it as difficult as possible for them to get in illegally. It’s that simple.”

It really is that simple.

Let’s play it again, but slower, in case you didn’t get it the first time.

(play it again, but really slow)

He really is an underused source of brilliance at Fox News.

Anyway, until we create a front door for these folks, we have to make sneaking in a window harder than hell. Amnesty doesn’t do that. Amnesty just says – “everyone in… is in!” That does not control the tide.

The fact is, it’s called illegal immigration, because it’s illegal. And Arizona has chosen to deal with what we already call illegal. And while, on its surface, it appears mean – it’s not. It’s actually a beginning. It pushes the debate forward to a place where we can finally develop a system that gets all the wonderful, hardworking people in.

And most are hardworking. And most are wonderful. Seriously, most of these folks killing themselves to come here are more deserving than half of the jerks born here. I’m referring to anyone who stinks of patchouli, uses clubbing as a verb (except in Alaska), thinks graffiti is art, owns their own sex tape, once dated Paris Hilton, listens to Dave Matthews, claims they’re in Mensa, plays Frisbee golf, known to wear a speedo, carries a tiny dog in a purse, blames America for everything, enjoys performance art, thinks yogurt is food, cries while whale watching, majored in any form of gender studies, cares more about death row inmates than their victims, and thinks I can’t bench press twice my own weight. (I can, or I used to, anyway).

And if you disagree with me, you’re a racist homophobe who eats donated organs.